Hallelujah

 

HALLELUJAH 

exclamation

exclamation: hallelujah; exclamation: alleluia

1. God be praised (uttered in worship or as an expression of rejoicing)."He is risen! Alleluia!"

noun

noun: hallelujah; plural noun: hallelujahs; noun: alleluia; plural noun: alleluias

1. an utterance of the word “hallelujah” as an expression of worship or rejoicing.

I’ve been struggling since Easter to come up with the words to describe this season. If I’m honest, words are falling short—there is no way to properly quantify the Faithfulness of God. 

In 2014, a year after I got married, I was in a pastoral vision meeting where we discussed the future of Destiny: What would we be? What was God saying? What would mark us? I felt so strongly in my Spirit… we would be the church where God’s healing power, miracles, signs, and wonders were part of the ‘norm.’ We would be a house of worship, healing, and faith. Little did I know how much pruning needed to happen (even in my own heart) before God’s Word would come to pass.  There were seasons where I doubted my ability to hear God’s voice, seasons where I sank back underneath calamity, pain, or chaos. Seasons where I watched friend after friend leave this place and move on to God’s next assignment. Seasons where I felt lost, alone, or even betrayed…. BUT GOD. He has been faithful. He has restored back the years. His loving kindness has walked me thru the fire & water of the changing times. His timing has always been perfect, and even when I doubted His goodness…. He was always in the middle of the storm, saying “Peace, be still.” 

Since being called in to full-time ministry, I struggle with a Jonah complex: God calls me, I say no, I run away… I got swallowed by my own making of chaos, and then eventually, in the belly of decay, I come back to Him. I come back to my First Love. And then after saying “Yes,” I find myself often under a tree of self pity—unable to even rejoice in the Goodness & Mercy of He who set me Free. Isn’t it interested how there truly is nothing new under the sun? I am Jonah, I am the Israelites, I am the prodigal, and God is, has been, will always be, the Good Shepherd, Yeshua, the Lion of the tribe of Judah. 

Alternatively, I also wrestle with the Messiah Complex: I believe I alone am the answer to every problem I encounter. I can be just narcissistic & pharisaical enough to insert myself in situations & problems that God never called me to. Somehow believing HE needs MY help along the way. The culmination of Jonah/Messiah has resulted in seasons of wandering around the wilderness at times with a false-confidence staff in hand, ignoring every burning bush in front of me that was trying to show me the path. Though my heart was right, my spirit was not tuned in. Though my logic was straight, I have not always been transformed by the renewing of it. I have worshipped, though not always in Spirit & Truth. There have been seasons where I. Worshipped from flesh, desiring the results of God rather than just His Presence. 

2019 was one of the roughest years I have yet to encounter: From a difficult pregnancy to a sick baby, to losing friends, to seeing ministry spiral, I found myself at the end of “DID GOD REALLY SAY?” Then 2020, lockdown, reset…. More and more pruning, until the dead things were cut off, and finally life began to bloom. 

There are no words to quantify the faithfulness of God. I look back in hindsight and see how He was always working, always protecting, always providing, always healing up the broken parts of me, and when necessary, breaking and molding me so that I could look less like me, and more like Him. 

It’s April of 2022, and I am living in what I feel is the beginnings of the Promised Land. I have the worship team I PRAYED for (and they look NOTHING like I thought they would, and sound nothing like I thought they would—God’s ways are SO much higher than mine), I am writing music again, I am witnessing DOZENS of miraculous healings take place all around me, but more importantly… I am witnessing HUNDREDS of people give their lives to Christ. I am seeing the Promises of God unfold all around me, at a pace I fail to keep up with at times. 

My husband and children have been God’s greatest blessings, for they are real-time glimpses of heaven. They sharpen me, love me, forgive me, and bring me a joy I did not know was possible. The have defied every lie the enemy told me regarding marriage and motherhood being a death sentence to ‘career,’ ‘fun,’ ‘identity,’  or ‘purpose.’ For without my husband and children, no doubt, my head would be in the clouds, and I would be consumed by my own selfish ambitions. 

I will never be able to describe the joy of this season, and though it’s not without its hardships, I am choosing to take a step back and relish in God’s Goodness. I have a Holy Fear of messing it up—of taking a step back in to Jonah/Messiah tendencies. Of not leaning in to hear His voice, of strategizing rather than obeying. 

It’s difficult to quantify the Faithfulness of God, but here I am trying. 

God, you’ve been good to me. 

-Rachel Storment 

I remember Your Goodness, I recall every victory
You never abandon, You always defended me
Your Word is my portion, You keep me in perfect peace
Your Spirit inviting, saying “Hide thyself in me” 

I sing hallelujah to the Prince of Perfect Peace

You’ve been good to me

I sing Hallelujah to the King above all Kings
You’ve been good to me.

I sing the highest Praises, rejoice in valleys low

I’ll sing till the whole world hears it: 

I know You’re with me

This is my song of triumph, this is my song of Hope

I praise before the Victory, 

I know You’re for me. 

-So Good to Me

(DCW 2022 music) 

This Life Isn't Mine

 

Ever wondered if you’re trapped living someone else’s life? It’s not that the life you’re living is bad, it’s just that sometimes it feels like it’s not meant to be yours. These dreams you’ve been dreaming don’t really align with the pathway you’re on, and it’s not that the dreams you’re living are boring, it’s just that they’re not exactly what you dream when all the lights are off and there’s no nagging worrying or loyalty or ‘should be’s’ holding you hostage. 

I asked my husband today if I was always this tired, worried, and stressed (alluding to life before children), and without missing a beat, his answer was a resounding “yes.” That’s not what I was hoping for, and in fact, it was somewhat of a terrifyingly quick response. 

 (Gee, husband, I value your candor, but wish It were wrapped with some candy coating & bubblegum to soothe my conscious a bit.) 

You see, if I could just believe the reality that I’m in a ‘season,’ rather than that realize that this ‘season’ is the life I’ve been delicately and deliberately choosing, I think I could cope.  

Maybe I’ve just been living someone else’s dream. Maybe I don’t even know what my own dreams are anymore because I’m too scared to let people down. Too frightened to fail, and even more terrified at the prospect of starting over... because, what happens if I start over and end up in the exact same place just with scenery that looks a little different. What if my tired follows me wherever I go. What if this restlessness knocks at my door again? Who then am I to blame other than my internal wiring and inability to escape my own dissatisfaction? 

I am so terrified of being average that often it’s the very thing I settle for. Because being average feels a lot better than being a loser. 

Ever feel like you’ve been living someone else’s life, but you’re too scared to find out what life you actually want, because the life you’re living isn’t bad at all, it just really doesn’t feel like the life you know God is calling you to? You know there's more on the other side of the ocean, but you're not super ready to ditch the floaties, because wading water feels a whole lot better than drowning. 

What happens then? What happens when your Theology doesn’t line up with your actions...? What happens when what you believe is a little different from the things you  preach? Maybe it's not so different that other people would notice, but you notice. You feel it every day as you wake up & hear His Voice clearly but are so steadfast in what seems ‘good,’ that you talk yourself in circles until you wonder whether that was really God’s voice at all.... 

But it is God’s voice you’re hearing. 

It may not audible, and it may not come with feathers and gold dust, but the Voice is all throughout Scripture. And His voice throughout those 66 books is the only thing that can really be trusted as the infallible source when deconstruction threatens to tear down establishments & begs you to think yourself stupid. 

So how do I go about living my life? 

Maybe it starts with letting go of all that I have deemed ‘mine.’ Submitting to perception of failure, running from ‘good’ in pursuit of surrender. Surrender to Greatness that isn’t mine. Ditch the floaties for deeper waters where you are asked to survive without the approval of man. 

So if there is a promise of a life more abundant, a mandate to walk in to deep waters with obedience, a command to love God above all else, and an eternity to answer for... Then I have to start walking, searching, asking, and listening. 

The life I’m living isn’t mine....

Maybe that's a start. 

Rachel